So I feel like I have two sides to me and I hate it, which one is really me? At school I try to stay positive and make the best of things, I have this front when I'm around others. But then there is another side of me that just feels like crying all the time when left alone. I have no desire to do anything once I get home, I just lay around. I think this is why I leave for work so early and try and stay late, so it keeps me occupied and I don't have to be the other me.
I really would love to be happy but what is happy, I've had this happy front for so long I don't know if I know what its like to truely be happy. How can I feel like I have self worth when even my own family puts me down. Isn't family supposed to make you feel good, not like you are worthless. But time and time again this is how I feel.
I wish happiness would really just come and find me, since I'm supposed to be blessed with it. I'm waiting for the day when I don't feel like I am right now, where I hate myself and wonder whats the purpose of all of this, but I'll figure that out one day, hopefully soon.