okay but not okay

Does it even make sense to say you are okay but not okay? It's amazing how being with someone as they take their last breath can really affect you. This wasn't the first time I've been there but in the past it's always been a loved one. Yesterday my mom and I insisted we would not let our neighbor die alone. No one deserves to be alone at the end. It was peaceful to see him out of pain and no longer suffering but will definitely leave a void for my dad.  My parents our amazing examples to us to serve and give back to others, they were taught by their parents who were taught by their parents and I hope one day I can teach children of my own. For at least the past 2 years my dad has stepped up and helped an elderly neighbor by taking him meals, grocery shopping, and most recently taking him to doctor's appointments and getting him the needed medical care. He was recently brought home from the care facility and was only home for a little over a week and things took a turn for the bad however it was his time to go. He's been in pain and suffering for years so to see him out on hospice and pass the next day is a blessing as it wasn't drug out and painful on him. The sound of someone taking their last breath definitely sticks with you and it's hard to explain to others why you aren't okay, but rather it's just easier to pull away and keep to yourself to help the feeling pass. I don't regret being there for him but moreso was there so my dad wasn't there alone as he didn't need to go through this struggle alone. I'm grateful for family that is compassionate enough to help a "stranger" in need, you don't find that quality in everyone. My grandma took care of him and showed compassion then when she passed away my dad didn't skip a beat and took over for her. Am I okay right now no, but I'll be okay with time.