numb...

Do you ever just have so many emotions that you feel like you can't feel because you're at the point you're just numb? So many things are going on in our lives today, and in the world with the Coronavirus, upcoming election, and just day-to-day tasks. On top of the everyday stressors here I am still living thousands of miles away from my husband's, drifting emotionally further apart due to the stress and inability to meet each other's needs due to not being able to be physically connected. I still question when and if hisVisa will be approved as we are almost on year 5 and I wonder how much more can I go through. The thought runs through my mind on a daily basis what if... What if he's never granted a Visa? What will our lives look like then, will I give up my entire career, home, family, etc to go be with him or will we end up turning away and going our separate ways? We've gone through so much together the last four years and our upcoming third year wedding anniversary is weeks away yet I've spent a total of maybe eight weeks together with him over the last four and a half years. We are working on strengthening our communication and relationship has the miles don't seem to be getting any closer together, I pray that something or some resolution will come about and be an answer to our prayers. There are so many thoughts, and so many emotions going through my head that I just feel numb that I can't feel anymore because I've had to put my guard up to protect my heart again. A question so many different things and wonder if it would have made a difference if I was there in March or if they would have just denied him from the get-go. Until next time....