Melatonin memories

Do you ever have random thoughts that just pop into your head and you struggle to leave them in the past? I ended up having a previous trauma pop into my head, it was my first client that completed suicide. He wasn't actually my client but I was a student intern and had taken his crisis call, I called EMS they checked on him and left. I had a nagging feeling and had a licensed therapist who was able to pink sheet him if necessary but after talking to him his wife came home and said she would monitor him. I walked into work the next day and my supervisor notified me that the young man I worked with mother called and told them he had passed away, I had someone completely different in my mind and she clarified it was the person I had dealt with in crisis. He had asphyxiated in his sleep due to alcohol and melatonin. I pushed for him to get help but no one took it seriously enough, and I still regret 10 + years later I didn't go with my gut and push harder to get him help. it's funny how traumas from years ago come back into your memories like it was yesterday. I recently started taking melatonin due to sleep, and felt the grief all over again. simple little things can trigger big memories and we don't always know how to process them but I do know from that day forward I've gone with my gut reaction to try to save the next person.

Thoughts on loniliness

What is the point of having a lot of friends if none of them are ever there to support you. I am more alone then I have ever been, and I'm tired of always being there for others when they can't do the same for me. I need to cut ties, but really there isn't any one to cut ties with as I don't have anyone. I feel like my friendships are superficial and are convient for when others need something from me. I had no support through my divorce from friends or church members who "care" about me yet never showed up for me when I needed them the most. No wonder I lost my faith and stopped attending church, stopped wearing my garments, and ultimately stopped believing. I've had far too many trials then I could handle but I've pushed my head through trying to keep my head above water, and at times barely did so. Who was there for me in my struggles??? myself and that's all I can count on to get through. I've realized I can't wait for others to come around because they won't!

Gratitude for past mistakes...

I can either be bitter or better, for the trials and mistakes I've made along the way. A wise friend encouraged me to be grateful for what I have and what I learned along the way then to feel sorry for myself. Did I get married to get divorced no. I got married because I thought I loved him and he loved me, but he was only with me for the financial gain and to get his visa.... if he truly loved me he would have made an effort. I am stubborn, I stayed longer then I should have, I invested time, money and energy to have a negative roommate who was never grateful for anything. He complained constantly and always put me down, what I've learned is I need a partner who supports and uplifts me. I learned that I can do hard things, I learned when life throws road block after road block it doesn't mean keep going but rather maybe to stop and evaluate the path and sometimes we. eed to redirect our lives and choose another road. I've learned that my happiness is a priority going forward, too often we out others first and ourselves last but it's not being selfish but rather being self compassionate and putting our needs first. I keep saying I am ready to move on, I gave him 6 years of my life, and he doesn't deserve anymore of my valuable time or energy because he only thought of himself and used friends and family to better him self rather than allowing people to be in his life to support him and actually be apart of the journey. I am grateful for the friends who stu k by me, who supported me, and lifted me up when yet another trial and disappointment came my way. I know he will get what he deserves as it's out of my hands and hopefully soon he will no longer be my problem, he chose to use me for a green card but if he only knew the love and happiness he could have received if he had actually married for love instead of convenience for himself. I am gratefulI realized his true colors and prioritized myself rather than staying in a loveless marriage. my motto this year is choose happiness and that's what I plan to do. until next time, Megan

numb...

Do you ever just have so many emotions that you feel like you can't feel because you're at the point you're just numb? So many things are going on in our lives today, and in the world with the Coronavirus, upcoming election, and just day-to-day tasks. On top of the everyday stressors here I am still living thousands of miles away from my husband's, drifting emotionally further apart due to the stress and inability to meet each other's needs due to not being able to be physically connected. I still question when and if hisVisa will be approved as we are almost on year 5 and I wonder how much more can I go through. The thought runs through my mind on a daily basis what if... What if he's never granted a Visa? What will our lives look like then, will I give up my entire career, home, family, etc to go be with him or will we end up turning away and going our separate ways? We've gone through so much together the last four years and our upcoming third year wedding anniversary is weeks away yet I've spent a total of maybe eight weeks together with him over the last four and a half years. We are working on strengthening our communication and relationship has the miles don't seem to be getting any closer together, I pray that something or some resolution will come about and be an answer to our prayers. There are so many thoughts, and so many emotions going through my head that I just feel numb that I can't feel anymore because I've had to put my guard up to protect my heart again. A question so many different things and wonder if it would have made a difference if I was there in March or if they would have just denied him from the get-go. Until next time....

okay but not okay

Does it even make sense to say you are okay but not okay? It's amazing how being with someone as they take their last breath can really affect you. This wasn't the first time I've been there but in the past it's always been a loved one. Yesterday my mom and I insisted we would not let our neighbor die alone. No one deserves to be alone at the end. It was peaceful to see him out of pain and no longer suffering but will definitely leave a void for my dad.  My parents our amazing examples to us to serve and give back to others, they were taught by their parents who were taught by their parents and I hope one day I can teach children of my own. For at least the past 2 years my dad has stepped up and helped an elderly neighbor by taking him meals, grocery shopping, and most recently taking him to doctor's appointments and getting him the needed medical care. He was recently brought home from the care facility and was only home for a little over a week and things took a turn for the bad however it was his time to go. He's been in pain and suffering for years so to see him out on hospice and pass the next day is a blessing as it wasn't drug out and painful on him. The sound of someone taking their last breath definitely sticks with you and it's hard to explain to others why you aren't okay, but rather it's just easier to pull away and keep to yourself to help the feeling pass. I don't regret being there for him but moreso was there so my dad wasn't there alone as he didn't need to go through this struggle alone. I'm grateful for family that is compassionate enough to help a "stranger" in need, you don't find that quality in everyone. My grandma took care of him and showed compassion then when she passed away my dad didn't skip a beat and took over for her. Am I okay right now no, but I'll be okay with time. 

The uncertainty of life...

The uncertainty of life... Well 2020 has certainly been a confusing year for many. My life definitely is not where I thought it would be right now as I live thousands of miles and countries away from my husband. The past 4 years have definitely not been what I expected, but know that everything works out in the Lord's timing and unfortunately his timing and mine definitely have never lined up. March of 2020 became an extremely hard month for me, we were denied yet again on César's visa and now have to start the process all over and put more money into the process. After the denial I was looking forward to spending time with him in Ecuador but a few days before my flight I ended up having to cancel my flights as Ecuador suspended all travel in and out of the country. That was a huge blow my country won't let him in and his country won't let me in. Luckily for me it's only temporary until they get a handle on the Covid-19 pandemic. I even tried booking an earlier flight but was unable to find one, looking back now I am grateful I didn't go as travel is barely opening back up June 1st. I've tried to keep myself busy with work and craft projects to keep my mind from worrying about the things I cannot change or control and at this point that is a lot that we are so uncertain of. All of our summer plans have been postponed due to the fact no one knows what may be or happen as Covid-19 is so unknown and the spread of illness throughout the country. We started with Covid, then the earthquake, and now riots in the street. This definitely is a scary world we now live in and is this what the new norm is going to be? Part of me is glad I haven't started a family yet as these are scary and uncertain times but the other part of me wonders if I will get the opportunity to have a family as the second coming may be closer then we know. I am trying to stay positive each and every day and try to remember the Lord is on our side and he knows the greater picture of all things. Until next time, signing out. Megan

Day 1 Keto N8 Challenge

Make Yours A Great Life...

Make yours a great life….
The topic that I was assigned is on the Article from the January ensign, MAKE YOURS A GREAT LIFE, BY ELDER PAUL V JOHNSON of the Seventy. What an amazing topic for us to talk and to learn from on this beautiful Sabbath afternoon. I know that this talk was something that I sure needed to read and learn from.
I am going to start out by first sharing a quote that I have had here in my scriptures from my seminary days. “Every day is a happy day, only you can choose a different way.” Many of us get caught up in the world wind of drama going on around us and are unhappy for whatever that reason is. We must not dwell too long on these thoughts or we may become bitter and discouraged. We are the only one who can change our day and our attitudes.
From the article it states… The world today seems to be on an economic roller coaster. We see businesses and governments trying to stabilize the situation. There is conflict and war in the world. Many are abandoning morals and eternal truths in favor of the deceptions of the adversary. In Isaiah 5:20 it states: Woe unto them that call evil good and good evil, them that put darkness for light and light for darkness, that put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter! More and more we see evil being called good and good evil, these are challenging times.
How many of you, when faced with a challenge continue on with faith? How many of you just give up and say I just can’t endure this trial or adversity anymore? Don’t despair, put the Lord on your side and ask for his guidance and help and put your faith in him, he is willing and wanting to help us move forward. We are all faced with many challenges throughout our lives, but what if we just gave up and did not persevere through these challenging times? Where would we be today if we had just simply given up? I know several times throughout my life I thought I was going through some of the most challenging times and trials and that I simply just could not endure them on my own and wanted to give up. Then I realize I am not alone andI turn to one of my favorite scriptures to keep me going, Alma 36:3. I like to personalize it to fit me, so that it reads… And now, O my daughter Megan, behold thou art in thy youth and therefore, I beseech of thee that thou wilt hear my words and learn of me, for I do know that whosoever shall be supported in their trials and their troubles and their afflictions shall be lifted up in the last days.
This is one of my favorite scriptures that I turn to often; it is a constant reminder that I often turn to when I am struggling and about to just give up. Then I remember that I just need to trust in the Lord. He is there for us, we just need to be willing to ask for his help, and have faith in him and his eternal plan for each and every one of us. We often lose faith and forget that we are here for a reason and are tried for a specific reason. He will never give us anything that we can’t handle, and we are never alone going through these challenging times.
There are many historical figures with whom we are all familiar who went forward with faith in challenging times. One such person lived in a country occupied by the Romans. She was from humble beginnings and probably wondered about her future. Her espoused husband couldn’t find a decent place for her to give birth to her son, and later, because people wanted to kill her baby, the young family had to flee to another country. It seems like such a difficult way to start out in life, yet Mary went forward and helped raise the Savior of the world. Most people who looked at her early life might have thought she didn’t have much of a future, but because of her faith and willingness to do the right things, she was truly “blessed … among women” (Luke 1:42).
Moroni grew up in a time when his society was crumbling. (See Mormon 1–8; Moroni 1, 9.) The people rejected God and were on their way to destruction. It was a time of slippery riches, great violence, sexual immorality, and war. Moroni’s father, Mormon, almost single-handedly staved off the destruction of his people for a time. Both Mormon and Moroni lived in extremely difficult times but fulfilled their destinies.
Joseph Smith did not start out in a promising position for success as far as the world was concerned. His family was poor. As a young man he faced tremendous opposition, which continued throughout his life. Yet he persevered and overcame the obstacles in his path.
None of these people allowed the challenges they faced or the conditions of their world to determine the trajectory of their lives. They went forward with faith, and through the blessings of the Lord, they all became what they were meant to become.
How many of you would have kept trudging through these challenges and endured till the end and would go forward cheerfully in faith? Your future is not determined by the conditions around you, it is determined by your faith, your choices and your efforts. Yes, we are faced with challenging times, but so did Mary, Moroni, and Joseph Smith. You don’t have to be carried along the current of times. The lord can and will help you set your own course. The challenges you face will serve to strengthen you, not break you down, as you move forward with your life. Each of you has a bright future ahead of you that you can’t fully comprehend right now.
How will you face your challenges? Some will complain and blame circumstances or others for their problems. They won’t let go of bad feelings. They portray themselves as victims and become bitter. They seem to spend so much time and energy justifying themselves and pushing off the responsibility to others that there is no energy to go forward with their lives.
Others seem to live in the past and dwell on how things used to be. They are so unwilling to leave the past that they don’t turn around to face a future that would be bright if they would only approach it properly.
Some people dream about the future but don’t do much to move into it with power. They don’t realize that what they do or don’t do now will profoundly affect their future. People, who go to work with faith knowing the Lord will bless them if they do what is right, are the ones with a bright future. Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin of the Quorum of the Twelve gave a talk entitled “Come What May, and Love It.” He explained how people should handle challenges: He stated: “If we approach adversities wisely, our hardest times can be times of greatest growth, which in turn can lead toward times of greatest happiness.
Your future can be bright or cloudy, that all depends on you. When I was up at USU in Logan we made these blocks as a constant reminder that we will be faced with challenges, but we need to take the opportunity to learn and grow from them. It is guaranteed that we will all face trials and challenging times, it is necessary part of mortality
In 1993, when President Howard W. Hunter was president of the Quorum of the Twelve, he told young adults: “I am here tonight to tell you that despair, doom, and discouragement are not an acceptable view of life for a Latter-day Saint. However high on the charts they are on the hit parade of contemporary news, we must not walk on our lower lip every time a few difficult moments happen to confront us. … “Knowing what we know, and living as we are supposed to live, we really have no place, no excuse, for pessimism and despair. “In my lifetime I have seen two world wars. … I have worked my way through the Depression and managed to go to law school while starting a young family at the same time. I have seen stock markets and world economics go crazy, and I have seen a few despots and tyrants go crazy, all of which causes quite a bit of trouble around the world in the process. “So I am frank to say tonight that I hope you won’t believe all the world’s difficulties have been wedged into your decade, or that things have never been worse than they are for you personally, or that they will never get better.”
There are no better days than these days, because “these are [your] days”. You are here on earth at this time for a reason. You have what it takes. You have skills, knowledge, and natural talents given to you from God. If you live righteously, you will have access to the inspiration and strength you will need to triumph over any challenge you face. You will have the protection of a worthy life; guidance from the Lord through the Holy Ghost and prophets, seers, and revelators; and the power of sacred promises that are yours because you keep your covenants. Take these things that are yours and have a great life!
The Lord is our reason that we all have a bright future ahead of us; he lives and loves each one of us. He has plans for each and every one of us. As President Uchtdorf stated last night in the General Relief Society meeting, don’t wait around for your Golden ticket, we need to move forward with faith that things will work out. Yes, we do live in challenging times, but many others have as well like Mary, Moroni, and Joseph Smith and many others will be faced with challenges as well. Don’t get carried away in the current of life.
I want to testify to you that the Lord does love us each individually; he has a plan for us. We need to remember to put our trust in him and our faith; he knows what is best for each of us. I know this to be true, I have seen many challenges and trials throughout my life, but I have stepped up and moved forward. I did not let circumstances make be bitter and discouraged; If I had, I wouldn’t be standing in front of you today. I come from an inactive family, I could have strayed away for good like the rest of my family had, but I didn’t I found my way back. I have felt like the Lord really didn’t care about me, or he wouldn’t have given me such hard trials for me to bear at such a young age. But what I did learn was it was part of his plan, he does love and care for me, he wasn’t trying to hurt or damage me; he was trying to strengthen me for my future. I know I have a bright future ahead of me, although at times I feel like it is really dark and don’t know what to do. In those dark times, I put my faith and trust in the Lord to guide me to the bright side. I know he has plans for each of us, even if they aren’t what we want to do he has need of our service. I wanted to serve a mission, but the Lord has made it pretty clear for me that it is not part of his plans for me at this time, he needs me here. I was stubborn and did not want to listen to his guidance, but then he really made it clear to me that my service is needed here and not out in the mission field. We need to remember Elder Wirthlin’s saying come what may and love it! Don’t let yourself get caught up in the despair and discouragement, don’t blame others or become bitter, remember that your future is bright and the decisions that you make today will affect your future. I could be bitter and mad at the Lord, for my injury and not being allowed to do the things that I had in mind for my future, but what good would that do me? I can blame my circumstances and become angry, or I can take the challenge and learn from it. The Lord knows what is best for each of us and will guide us in the direction that we are needed; we need to remember it’s not our plan, but rather the Lords plan for us that we must follow. Remember that only you can make yours a great life. So come what may and love it.

Lifes Trials

Isn't it funny how life is going great then, BAM there goes your plans and then you think what am I going to do now. Thats the mood I have been in lately. I quit teaching, moved home to save money, and prepare for my mission. Well guess what, that wasn't the Lords plan and I am starting to realize I really need to start listening to the promptings I get. I quit my job at All Tech about 3 weeks ago because I injured my back again, so guess what. Its surgery time, meaning no mission until I am fully healed. But I really should have took it as a sign the first time that I hurt my back that God didnt want me going on a mission but I didnt listen. But its probably a good thing, because it brought me back to Tooele and for some reason I feel like I need to be here. Maybe its for Annie, or maybe its for me who knows. I started working at USU Tooele as a classroom facilitor, I nanny on Wednesdays for a few hours, I really like Miley she is such a cute girl, and all we do is play. Who wouldnt love to get paid to play. I interview in the morning with the school district for Substitute teaching so hopefully that will help out, money might get tight if I have to pay a lot for my surgery. I'm praying that my insurance will cover the majority of it. I wish I would have known I needed surgery my double insurance just ended the end of August and it was nice not having to pay for Dr Visits.

Tonight was a CES Fireside with Dallin H Oaks and his Wife Kristine, it was a very great evening. She mentioned that she should be the poster child for single adults because she didnt get married until she was 53 so she went to the young single adults the older single adults and the old single adults. She also mentioned that we need to be happy in whatever situation we are in, married or single. Life is too short not to be happy. Elder Oaks talked a little about the twin towers with it being the 10 year anniversary of Sept 11. Which lead into his talk about the twins, truth and tolerance. We as the rising generation need to stand up for what we believe in, we shouldnt just sit back and let people tear the church down, dont be tolerant of people doing that. It was a really great night, and got me really thinking. On my way home I stopped by the cemetary to switch some flowers around, and stopped by to visit Mike and had a good cry and it started to inspire me that I needed to write, I havent taken very much me time I have been playing with Annie and Auburnie way too much and dealing with others problems that they masked mine. I was temporarily happy, but I need to re evaluate my life and find out what makes me happy. I can't just keep covering up my real feelings, or I never can or will be truely happy. I am grateful for the day classes at the institute, they are helping me come closer to the lord and the gospel. Its making me think alot about how little I really do know so I am grateful for the opprotunity to continue growing both spiritually and temporally. I am grateful to be a part of the wonderful Gospel that we have and for our loving Savior and Redeemer, and for his attoning sacrifice that he has made for us so that we can live with him again some day. Well I shall be off to bed so I can prepare for an exciting day of Institute, Interview, Self Evaluation and me time and then off to work. Hopefully I can make a difference in somebody's life. Just remember we need to work in Hevenly fathers time, not ours and things will work out according to the plan he has for us.

surroundings.....

Wow here it is summer conference time agqin for UAAE. Its amazing how quickly time flies by! It is always fun to get together with all the ag teachers from around the state. It makes you feel like you have 100 close friends. Tours were great but wish we would have had more time. Our guest speaker was amazing Stacey Bess the author of nobody dont love nobody, or also known as beyond the blackboard. It was a really amazing hallmark movie about a school with no name where she shares her story of her experience teaching the transients under the 6th south bridge in salt lkae. Truely inspirational story the main message she gave us is to show the students that we are human and that the students really just want to be loved. I think this is why i got along with some of my students better then others because we shared a connectedness and they could see me as human and not just some awnery teacher like the others they have. I feel a little awkward here because i feel like i dont beling. Im not like the rest of them but also im not teaching so i kind of dont belong here. I hate that feeling!!!!! I never really have felt completely accepted here i feel like i have to force myself into the little groups. Its like high school all over again sometimes anyways it feels that way. Well off to the steak fry to make new friends.

Life changes.....

Wow here I am all moved in, living with my parents again. Never saw this happening! Here I am 23, a college graduate, and a school teacher. Well should I say was a school teacher, now I'm just a bum looking for a job. I sent in my letter of resignation to my school back in April. It's not that I didn't like my job, it wasn't my ideal, but it worked for me. I never thought that I would have a hard time leaving. But when it came down to it, I actually took it harder then I thought and almost cried a few times at school. I held the tears back and was  tough girl. Everyone is so curious why I left my career and are very sceptical about my reasons in doing so. I needed to do something for me. I needed to help myself become the person that I want to be. There will always be a time to work the rest of my life. I know my family doesnt really agree with me, or understand why I am doing what I am doing, but for the most part they are supporting me. I resigned from my job so that I can serve the Lord on a full time mission. No I haven't got my call yet but am close to putting my papers in. I postponed for a bit, and am almost ready to continue on with them. Things are finally starting to work out, grandma is doing alot better, my car is finally sold and now I just need to transfer my records and get going on my papers so that I can get my call. I have lots of work to do to start preparing myself, but it will all be worth it in the end. This is going to be an amazing summer. I want to do lots of things, now its just a matter of getting them planned and carried out. Its going to be an amazing summer as well because Annie will be here with me as well, her mission got postponed so now we have more time together and she can help strengthen my testimony as well. Now I just need to find a job until I leave and things will be golden for me. I also need to update this more often, however I'm pretty sure no one is really reading it, its more  of just an online journal for me anyways.

Random thoughts from General Conference...

Oh who doesn't love General Conference time hearing from the leaders of our church with all their advice and revelations and teachings that we need to hear. I feel as though everything that is being said is directed towards me and how I need to change and do things differently in my life.  The main message that keeps coming out to me is the Church Welfare Program, it is the 75th anniversay of the  program. I feel like maybe I should be doing something to help.

Well some other random thoughts and messages that I have gotten out of conferenece is....
Missionary work is the lifeblood of the church, if you are able go out and serve- President Monson

Be examples of the believers, Keep the Sabbath day holy. Keep unspotted from the world, Go to the house of prayer, and Rest from our labors.- L Tom Perry

It is our Duty to invite other to come and see what we have. We as members of christ are: a loving people, through love we are obedient. We are not alone, Christ will assist us.- Walter F Gonzalez

Pain brings you to humility- Kent F Richards

Prepare your self and those you lead- Henery B Eyring

It is one thing for others to call us mormons, but is different if we do. We need to use the churches full name. We are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. If we are carrying a  burden we need to forget it.- Boyd K Packer

Death is part of life. We live to die and die to live.
We need to not take the cafeteria approach, picking and choosing which commandments to keep. It does not work, we need to keep all of the commandments. -Russle M Nelson

 Those seeking the Gospel are usually most interested in Doctorine Regarding the Family. Heavenly Father is the father of our spirits, we need to seek him and find him, we are his offspring.
Satan  uses: Selfishness, greed and pornography to break us down. True happiness is found through family. Satan does all he can to destroy the family. We need to create a Christ centered home, listen to the counsel of the church leaders, hold FHE, daily prayer and scripture study, it will soon become a family tradition. There is great power in protection if we are doing what we should. Parents will be held accountable for the love and righteousness that they are teaching their families.  He shared an amazing parable ....

Twas a sheep not a lamb that strayed away


In the parable Jesus told,

A grown-up sheep that strayed away

From the ninety and nine in the fold.

And why for the sheep should we seek

And earnestly hope and pray?

Because there is danger when sheep go wrong;

They lead the lambs astray.

Lambs will follow the sheep, you know,

Wherever the sheep may stray.

When sheep go wrong, it won’t take long

Til the lambs are as wrong as they.

And so with the sheep we earnestly plead

For the sake of the lambs today,

For when sheep are lost, what a terrible cost

The lambs will have to pay!

-C. C. Miller

We need to be setting good examples to those around us, we do have people that  look up to us. It may not always be the lamb that strays, but the sheep that then lead the lambs with them.
-Richard J Maynes
 
Some questions to consider.
Who is entitled to a testimony? Is revelation necessary? Testimonies growing is it necessary?
- Cecil Samuelson Jr
 
Common Desires- Food, sleep and shelter- Dallin H Oaks
 
Some thoughts from Music and the spoken word-
We become our best and truest selves by helping others indeed a good yardstick for measuring sucess is how our life influences othe people for the better.
 
Clayton Christensen- Metric by how God will assess our lives will not be by dollars but individual people whose lives one touched. Don't worry about the level of individual prominences you have achieved, worry about the individuals you help to become better. When we are concerned about the welfare of others and go about doing good we touch lives that will never quite be the same.
 
Think of the people you most admire, most likely it was not their accomplishments that touched your life but their acts of kindness, not their beauty but by their hearts, not their successes, but their support. The same is true for all of us, what will be cherished is the difference we made in others lives. What will be valued is the love and service we've offered. Remember a good character is a best tombstone. Those that loved you and were helped by you will remember you when forget me nots are withered. Carve your name on hearts and not marble.
 
Sorry this was a lot of ramblings, but this is some of my thoughts and some of the things I got out of conference so far.... Think of the song Each life that touches ours for good, and apply it to your life.
 

Oh how I am blessed... David Archuleta

So temple blessings really do happen, I haven't been since before my back injury and kept telling myself I will go tomorrow. Well tomorrow came and went and I never did go, that was until Friday April 1st, and no this is not an April Fools Joke it was pretty much amazing!!! So since I kept saying tomorrow  I decided Friday was the day, I even wore my dress to school so that I could just stop on my way home from school and not have any excuses. Well I stayed later at school then planned, but am going to thank the two students that held me up at school. They will never believe what happened to me after that, I still am in shock a little. Well I had just finished getting my clothes and was getting ready to go change and this boy walks into get his clothes he has a smile on his face and kind of looked like it may have been his first time or something. So I go change and come out and sit on the bench to await my turn for confirmations and this boy comes and sits with me. Just me and him go in to get confirmed and I go first and he waited his turn. Then we switch spots he sits down closes his eyes and is ready to go but the bretheren had to ask his name, and he gets a smile on his face and says Archuleta. Archuleta, I had been thinking oh it could not be him ever since I first saw him, I'm just crazy for thinking it. So the brethern say oh I thought that was you David. I'm sure my eyes got really big once he said his name. I sat there and of course I couldnt really think of anything more then omg it really is him. Well we finish up and are walking out the door, well as you all know I'm not so shy anymore, of course I'm going to talk to him. So I turn to him and say I just want to say hello and tell you I'm proud you stick to your standards. Then we walked downt he hall to the baptistry, I was baptized first and then his turn was next well I went and got dressed and was just sitting there feeling the spirit and here he comes and walks in and sits behind me. He talked to the brethern on the back row and then sat there writing something and then on his way out, he stops behind me and  says Sister Allred right, what was your name so I told him and then we just chatted for a bit. Never thought that would ever happen to me. David is really humble, cute smile and didnt make a big deal about him, he acted as if he was just a typical person, I mean he is but he's also a very well known person and was humble about it all. What amazing blessings from the temple.

Day 3 Your Favorite Teacher.... wow I really need to stick to this.

My favorite teacher....

In High school  it had to be Mr. Gowans, he is the reason I am where I am today. He helped me combine my two passions teaching and Agriculture.

In College it would have to be Dr. Tarpley for the short time he was here, he could make a dry subject be fun, I need to find his enthusiasm for life, but can never be the teacher he is. Also Dr. Warnick he was more of my teaching style and has taught me how to be successful in teaching, he's always there to offer advice and new techniques that could work for everyone.

now lets see if I can stick to this again.

Day 2 your definition of success....

Sorry I know its way past day 2 but really should start it back up. I forget to get on here sometimes it takes me weeks to months.

Anyways my definition of success.... It doesn't always mean you have to have something huge to show success. Just making it through one day at a time can be a success, some days really are a struggle to make it through especially teaching teenagers. It's not always as easy and you think it may be, especially when you are only a few years older then them and almost all children and young adults have lost respect for other people. One of my greatest successes in my life is actually graduating college and getting a degree and a job where most people in my life said I never would actually be successful. Most of you know me well enough to know that I am stubborn when someone tells me I can't do something it just motivates me even more to prove them wrong.

For my chosen career I can't look at my paycheck as being successful, money isn't what makes us successful its being proud of making the accomplishment that took time getting too. I may not make nor ever will make as much as my siblings being a teacher, however I also can be happy doing what I am doing and feel successful, just as much as they do when their big checks come every month. My motto is do something you can be happy doing, not be miserable and have lots of money, because money really doesn't equal success like the world makes us think it does.

Country Strong Clip - Beau and Kelly

Timing is everything!!! There is a time and place for things, its not coincidence, but rather God's plan for us. We all lose loved one throughout our lives and sometimes wonder why them and not me, its natural but we just need to understand that there is a time for everything in our lives. And yes we can be hurt or healed by love and its the right timing that makes it worth it. We can't live our lives hiding from those opportunities because we have been hurt by love in the past but rather we need to live through each experience they lead up to the right time of when things are supposed to happen for us. I believe that timing is everything. Such an amazing song from one of my favorite movies from 2011, ?Country strong, the song is Timing is everything, Trace Adkins sings it on the soundtrack but its much better in the movie.

Day 1 - your biggest accomplishment

My biggest accomplishment..... Well of course it involves where I am today. Graduationg College with a BS in Agriculture Education and a double minor in Animal Science and Horticulture. I am now teaching Animal Science at West Jordan High School, growing up I always pictured myself teaching but never actually seeing it in my plans. With others saying this was not a job for me, I can't handle the kids without beating them, and etc. the list goes on.  My biggest accomplishment actually happened because  I wanted to prove all of those people wrong that said I couldn't and can't do it.

Prepare to be Challenged! Thanks to Sara for the idea

Prepare to be Challenged!


Okay, so I have been HORRIBLE at blogging lately. I saw this challenge on another friend's blog and I thought it would be a great way for me to get back into the habit of posting consistently. I challenge some of you to do the same thing if your blog needs a little help too!

The 30 days Include the following:

Day 1 - your biggest accomplishment

Day 2 - your definition of success

Day 3 - Your favorite teacher

Day 4 - your favorite book

Day 5 - your favorite quote

Day 6 - 20 of my favorite things

Day 7 - a photo that makes your heart melt

Day 8 - a photo that makes you angry/sad

Day 9 - a photo you took

Day 10 - a photo taken over 10 years ago of you

Day 11 - a photo of you recently

Day 12 - something you are OCD about

Day 13 - a fictional book

Day 14 - a non-fictional book

Day 15 - your role model

Day 16 - a song that makes you cry (or nearly)

Day 17 - an art piece (drawing, sculpture, painting, etc)

Day 18 - my wedding/future wedding/past wedding

Day 19 - a talent of yours

Day 20 - a hobby of yours

Day 21 - a recipe

Day 22 - a website

Day 23 - a youtube video

Day 24 - where I live- in detail, what makes it special?

Day 25 - guilty pleasure

Day 26 - your week, in great detail

Day 27 - my worst habit

Day 28 - whats in my handbag/purse

Day 29 - hopes,dreams and plans for the next 365 days

Day 30 - car you drive ( and past cars too!)

2 sided...

So I feel like I have two sides to me and I hate it, which one is really me?  At school I try to stay positive and make the best of things, I have this front when I'm around others. But then there is another side of me that just feels like crying all the time when left alone. I have no desire to do anything once I get home, I just lay around. I think this is why I leave for work so early and try and stay late, so it keeps me occupied and I don't have to be the other me.

I really would love to be happy but what is happy, I've had this happy front for so long I don't know if I know what its like to truely be happy. How can I feel like I have self worth when even my own family puts me down. Isn't family supposed to make you feel good, not like you are worthless. But time and time again this is how I feel.

I wish happiness would really just come and find me, since I'm supposed to be blessed with it. I'm waiting for the day when I don't feel like I am right now, where I hate myself and wonder whats the purpose of all of this, but I'll figure that out one day, hopefully soon.

A Question to hit hard at heart...

So as I was sitting in church today we were asked, what would we be without the gosple in our lives. I've thought of this before but for some reason it hit really hard today, take 30 seconds to think about it. Where would you be in your life if it weren't for the gospel in your life.  Go ahead I'll wait.....
1....2.....3....4...5....6...7...8...9...10...11..12...13..14...15...16..17...18..19..20...21...22.22...23..24...25...26...27...28...29....30
Well you get the point seriously think about that question.

I know for me I would not be where I am today without the gosple, heck I may not even be here on this Earth if it weren't for the gosple in my life. We all have stuggles and trials that we have to go through, but would we handle them the same if we weren't  members or if we didnt know what the gosple has in store for us. A quote I really like is.... Its not what happens to us its how we deal with what happens to us. This is so true if you really think about it. We are only given trials we know that we can overcome, Heavenly Father knows what we can handle and will be at ourside along each step of the way.

So if I weren't to have the gosple in my life , where would I be????

Well I may have been discouraged when I was 14 when I lost one of my best friends, I may have taken the same route as him, but gratefully I didn't and am still here today and was able to deal with the loss, I still have questions about it but now know its all part of his special plan he has for each of us.

When things didnt go my way I may have protested and my life may have went an entirely different direction but it didn't.

When all my friends started making wrong decisions in their lives I could have kept following them down this path, but I soon realized it wasn't my lifestyle and I knew better. I disappointed myself and probably others, but I did change because I knew it was wrong, as I moved away to Logan, I finally started to figure out who I wanted to be.

Logan me and Stockton me were two entirely different people, Logan me is who I want to stay but will need to keep working on that now that I am not there anymore. I was a happier person, I had amazing role models/ roommates to look up to and give me an extra spiritual boost that I never got in Stockton. I became a happier person and soon realized I am much happier and get along better with my Family when I am not near them.

Pennsylvania life was another eye opening experience for me, it was challenging but also enjoyable. I learned that I can survive without people I know close by. I only knew a few of my co workers but learned to rely on them for help. This is when I first realized the importance of the preisthood, and the blessings that come from relying on the Lord for help.

Priesthood blessings kept coming once I returned back to Logan, but most of all blessings and happiness came once I started attending the temple again. As a youth I never realized the importance of the temple. Its not just blessings for me but also for those whose work I was doing. My life was being blessed because I was thinking of others and not just myself.

I have the job I have today because i relied on the Lord to help me and guide me in the right direction and to help me make the right choice for me.


So to sum it all up, I know I would not be here today with out the gospel in my life, and I don't want to know what its like not to have it in my life again. I've been down that path and its not the path for me.